GOD: Come on Terry, don’t be a lazy sod; start writing your uninspired stuff about us.
TERRY: But Lord, Thou callest me a sod that’s very rude. I am not one of those.
GOD: Oh you mean a Sodomite, what’s wrong with us comparing you with them?
TERRY: But they were wicked people who did unmentionable things.
GOD: How do you know this; if these things were unmentionable?
TERRY: Well didn’t you write this in your Bible?
GOD: The Bible records that we tried to warn the people of Sodom about a coming natural disaster. We despair of warning people about coming natural disasters these days, all they do is argue scientifically and they don’t really listen. Look at climate change for instance.
TERRY: With due respect, don’t change the subject. Weren’t you accusing me of being a homosexual!
GOD: Oh that has never bothered us much; it was the attempted bullying and rape that was the problem. Poor old unrighteous Lot got the wrong idea and offered his daughters up for gang rape as a substitute for our messengers. We repeat it wasn’t the homosexuality that bothered us, as much as the bullying and rape.
TERRY: But you said in your word “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.”
GOD: Well that is the King James Version of what Moses said, and it is true that when there was a small population, we expected them to get on with the pleasure of ‘being fruitful and multiplying’ and not waste their time with masturbating etc. Things have changed at this point of (your) time; the earth is overpopulated with too many selfish, arrogant and bullying people. The law we would have liked to establish is: rape (to take by force, especially sexually) is an abomination. This applies whether or not the interaction is between the same sexes or males and females. We thought our oldest son made it clear that the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah pale in comparison with what has been going on in more recent times. We think we were able to inspire Matthew and Luke enough to make this very clear.
TERRY: Still you and your laws don’t change and you have said homosexual behaviour is an abomination.
GOD: Why quote the bible to us? As if we need correcting. To do this is straight idolatry (we called it bibliolatry); you are putting the bible in the way of clear communication between us. Our words are greater than the Law of Moses.
TERRY: Sorry, I was speaking for others.
GOD: Let them speak for themselves.
TERRY: Good advice, I only speak for you with the proviso that you will correct me.
GOD: Let us stay with our point, this is not about laws. The apostle John rightly wrote: “For the law was given by Moses, [but] grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.”(John 1:17) We would have you put aside your legalistic prejudices and practice our gospel of grace and truth.
We choose to express our compassion and love for those who suffer unnecessarily. When two consenting men (or women) practise a homosexual act with intimate privacy this does not cause us a problem. When people do not willingly consent to an intimate act then we are concerned and we do consider this behaviour abominable.
Worse still, we see all too frequently examples of paedophilia and institutional rape and even rape within marriage why do you suppose we are particularly concerned with acts of love and affection between consenting males?
TERRY: Wow that certainly gives me a “God’s eye view”, but without any porn.
GOD: Thankyou for raising the matter, so we could have our say.
TERRY: What about King David and his relationship with Jonathon, wasn’t this homosexual
GOD: So what? Does the bible say he committed abominable acts?
TERRY: Not explicitly. But he did say Jonathon’s love for him "was greater than the love of any woman." (2 Samuel 1:26).
GOD: Could that have been an expression of the fact that they relied on each other for vital support in battle, a commitment that no woman could offer.
TERRY: Possibly, but it still seems that he could have been bisexual, was he?
GOD: Don’t read things into the text. We knew David’s thoughts and we loved him. But we remind you; what a person thinks is our business, never yours, we do the judging. By all means read your bible, but kindly refrain from excessively imaginative interpretations, no matter how right and holy they might seem to you.
TERRY: What about St Paul, was he a repressed homosexual?
GOD: Again, mind your own business. After a shaky start Paul’s life pleased us immensely. Sure he was frustrated and depressed but you can be sure that he is happy now.
TERRY: Paul condemned homosexuality in the first chapter of Romans.
GOD: Wrong, read it more carefully! It says we gave up on unbelievers and left them “to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:”. Then we “gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error“. Read well, and listen very carefully; none of that behavior describes the gentle affectionate actions of homosexual couples. Many of these people yearn to meet us more closely but they are kept away by the church. Paul got a bit carried away with his description, but you should be more careful and charitable in your interpretation.
TERRY: Actually I feel relieved by your explanation.
GOD: Look we told you we are a god of compassion, we know how people feel and we feel with them. You cannot know the inner feelings of another person, but you should at least pray for them to develop compassion for them.
You have had a successful marriage and that gives us pleasure. You are not a natural homosexual and we are proud of you. But we have no more love or pride for you than we have for homosexuals.
TERRY: Again, what you say gives me comfort.
GOD:We would have you put aside your legalistic prejudices and practice our gospel of grace, love and truth. This is what would please us most.